911-Hornets Nest & A Swat Team......

[riverbee]

a little laughter, i posted this true story on another universe but decided to share it with the new members here that do not know me and my quirky suburban neighbors. ‘bob’, the neighbor I speak of, (2 doors down) is the same guy that i witnessed being t-boned by a hit and run driver last winter, while blowing snow out his driveway. we both wound up in e/r, because, when i went back to my house to go to the e/r to be there for him, i was struck on the noggin by a flying tape measure that zinged out of my next door neighbors snow blower. they (hillbillies) have a lost and found driveway, never do any snow removal, so if something drops in the driveway, it won’t be found until spring.  the snow blower saw service for one day and hasn’t worked since then; and now I see what looks to be a muffler sticking up out of the snow.  also, bob likes to haul furniture out to the side yard and set it on fire, couches, etc…..i see he has a dresser lined up next…..

The following events happened in may of 2012:

The best of murphy’s law….
a preface, i also own a home in ‘rural suburbia’ of the city, an old neighborhood. my neighbors in this suburbia are just as colorful as my rural neighbors, and then some, and just to outline the picture a bit, these homes were built in the early 1950’s, are all rambler type homes, all built similar, sitting on ½ to 1 acres of very wooded lots, you will understand as you read the post. Btw, if you are a beekeeper, you will most likely receive all types of phone calls from your neighbors about ‘come look at these bees.’  LOL!
 
 Read on…..
early this a.m., neighbor 2 doors down calls, wants me to come look at a ‘bee nest’ in a tree near his house, so i wander down there, yep, he has a hornet’s nest, big massive, oversized and then some basketball type thing going on and hornets busy coming and going. he and his visiting brother have a ladder out and a baseball bat at the ready. piñata type thinking they are going to knock it down; he wants it gone and wants me to help. LOL, not too bright and i ‘educate’ them both about standing on a ladder with a baseball bat surrounded by thousands of stinging insects. have at it, but I’m not standing around. said I would help him take it down after dark. i wander back home.
 
 Not the end.
 calls me back, “well what if i hit it with a pellet gun or some 22 shot”, so i say, bob, you won’t be sitting on your patio tonight having a beer with your brother if you do that, “uh, yeah okay, didn’t think of that”.
 
 Not the end.
 calls me back again, “well what if i sprayed the snot (not the word he used) out of it with a hose”, well you could do that but you will have really mad wet hornets, and you won’t be sitting out on your patio tonight having a beer with your brother, leave it alone i’ll come help you get it down after dark. “uh, yeah, okay are you sure water won’t kill ‘em?.” i said it won’t kill them, and asked him if he was allergic to stinging insects, or liked being stung…..”dunno”. well, you could try that and find out, and you won’t be enjoying a beer on your patio tonight with your brother. “aw yeah, good point.”
 
 Not the end.
 there is no mistaking the sound of a shotgun blast….or two, or three.
 one shotgun blast,
 two shotgun blasts.
 three shotgun blasts.
 some whooping and yelling about the huge scattered hornet’s nest now blown to smithereens and laying all over the yard…..then i hear some very colorful language. bob managed to escape in the house with a few stings and hornets flying around in the house, but mike did not, and was blowing past me for a neighbor’s pool, with hornets on him and in pursuit.

phone call from me to bob on his cell phone (all he has)….no answer. i get closer to the house and OMG, hornets thick and everywhere, there must have been a nest in the tree, or another nest. bob yells at me through his screen door not to come any closer  doh; his cell phone is outside on the patio (as is the shotgun). asks me where mike is, so i tell him he went for the neighbors pool and I offer to go see if he’s okay, and bob bravados about them blasting the nest. i can barely see him through the hornets all over the side of the house, and screen door.
 
 911 call.
 i look down the street and see 2 squad cars blocking the street, look up the street, same. i see a truck roll up and a ‘commando unit’ file out in full swat gear wearing and cradling some impressive firepower.  well i forgot all about mike. grab a lawn chair and a glass of iced tea , out the end of my driveway i sit, and think this is entertainment i don’t want to miss. of course the swat team is not impressed with my casual appearance of ‘shots fired’…..so very serious questions and warnings follow.
 
 hypothetically i say, ( not to incriminate the two brothers), a hornet’s nest, and a shotgun would explain the 911 call. my driveway becomes a ‘staging area’ and some of my neighbors are now in my driveway to the officers dismay. i hear and see swat yelling at bob who is in the house to come out……bob hollers back “are you blankety-blank crazy, i am not coming out”……this is not what you say to a swat team, because you will come out…….. however the swat team, as they ‘close in’, has now realized there are angry hornets flying everywhere recently blasted with a shotgun. “does he have a phone”, no it’s laying on the patio, a pause and some conversation, so i tell an officer just tell him to go out the door to the garage(no back doors to these houses). so they did and bob says “uh yeah, okay, I’ll be out in a minute!”
 
 About mike, the visiting brother. (enter the paramedics)
 mike shows up soaking wet in my driveway from the neighbors pool, and he doesn’t look so good, being stung and all, and says so, and nearly passes out. so the swat team calls the paramedics. meanwhile, bob is now sheepishly explaining about the escapade with the hornet’s nest to the swat guy in charge, and the swat guy wants the ‘evidence’; the shotgun laying in the yard, covered in hornet’s and bob mentions i am a beekeeper. i get a hard look and get voted to recover the ‘evidence’. i am a beekeeper with a veil, not a hornet keeper, and would be happy to equip any of the officers with that veil to retrieve the hornet covered shotgun laying in the yard with hornets flying about stinging mad looking for the person that blew the nest apart.
 
 Enter the fire department.
 the swat team calls the fire department, and the fire department shows up with a couple guys donning hazmat suits, and i think a pair of coveralls. i give them the veil, and the fire department blasts the yard with water, and retrieves the infamous shotgun. mike goes to the emergency room and bob goes to the back of a squad car. bob wants to talk to me and look after his dog, and my last words to him were, well, i told you, you wouldn’t be sitting out on the patio tonight having a beer with your brother.
 
 he wasn’t, they weren’t.  I picked bob up from the police station later that night, and mike spent an uncomfortable night in the hospital.

 

[LazyBkpr]

WOOHAAAA!!!      ROFL!!!!
  Dang thats funny!!  Glad I live where I do!!!  No swat, no police, everyone gathers around with some type of weapon wondering what happened and should they be worried??
   " Naw, just (XXX) blasting a hornets nest." 
   "Oh..  well, does it need another shot or two? "
   
   Standing in front of my store talking to a friend.. the town mayor walks up. "Hey you got your gun in your truck?"
   "Yep, Why?"
   Ground hog over in front of the old school (No longer being used) I keep getting complaints hes digging up (XXX's Flowers)
   "OK, We'll go take care of it."
   DEAD center in town...  Half a block from the town square..    POW...   Neighbors come out and cheer when I walk across the lawn to get the ground hog....
   I love my little town. 

[Edward]

Real Life is Always funnier than fiction 




mvh Edward 

[riverbee]

that is true edward, and you can't make this stuff up!

[Barbarian]

Thanks for the post. It made a cheerful start to the day.           

I will look forward to reading it again ---- and again.

Have you any idea of the species of hornet ? 

[Marbees]

You made me laugh, again 
Should our new friends hear a LUFKIN story ?  

[riverbee]

"Have you any idea of the species of hornet ? "

i have no idea what species they were barbarian.