Author Topic: A Nun Grading papers  (Read 2963 times)

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Offline efmesch

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A Nun Grading papers
« on: March 05, 2015, 02:22:30 pm »

 
TRY TO IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND
MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE!
 
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
 
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
 
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
 
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
 
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
 
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
 
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
 
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
 
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNTCYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
 
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
 
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
 
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
 
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
 
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
 
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
 
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
 
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
 
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE  CONTRAPTION.
 
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
 
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
 
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
 
21 THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
 
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
 
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
 
24 ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
 
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
 

Offline iddee

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2015, 03:32:33 pm »
What was wrong with the last one?   :D
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
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Offline LazyBkpr

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2015, 03:51:38 pm »
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

   is it still possible to arrange this??

 
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

  no, no... Not there yet!

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

   Wait, those are commandments??  Oh boy am I in trouble....

   K, I have to admit I laughed out loud on many of those, and there would have been no way of stopping it. Feeling sorry for the Nun!

Drinking RUM before noon makes you a PIRATE not an alcoholic!

Offline Slowmodem

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2015, 04:57:57 pm »
That was hilarious, Ef!!!  Thanks for the smile!  :)
Greg Whitehead
Ten Mile, TN
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Offline Slowmodem

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2015, 05:00:02 pm »

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

  no, no... Not there yet!

They were just a victim of circumcision!   :eusa_doh:
Greg Whitehead
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Offline G3farms

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2015, 05:11:09 pm »
Those are funny for sure, I liked 17.
Bees are bees and do as they please!

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Offline LazyBkpr

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2015, 05:13:08 pm »

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

  no, no... Not there yet!

They were just a victim of circumcision!   :eusa_doh:


  LOL     again.....
Drinking RUM before noon makes you a PIRATE not an alcoholic!

Offline tbonekel

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2015, 07:13:02 pm »
My fav was the last one. HA!

Offline kebee

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2015, 07:13:25 pm »
 Either the kids didn't listen to the teacher or the teacher was a bad one.

Ken

Offline G3farms

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2015, 07:55:16 pm »
that might be common core religion  :laugh:
Bees are bees and do as they please!

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Offline riverbee

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2015, 10:21:40 pm »
ef, very funny!!! :D  :D  :laugh:

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Offline rodmaker

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2015, 10:28:18 pm »
  Thank you EF just lifted my spirits and gave me a good laugh.
joseph

Offline Retroguy

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Re: A Nun Grading papers
« Reply #12 on: March 06, 2015, 12:40:57 am »
Unsympathetic genitals...  I wonder if that's what Solomon encountered with his porcupines?
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