Author Topic: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!  (Read 3434 times)

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Online iddee

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ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« on: April 20, 2015, 07:02:37 pm »
ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA?   Maybe not!
 
ONE
Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
Chicken McNuggets.
 
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
 
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
 
'You don't?' I replied.
 
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
 
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
 
'That's right.'
 
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.  (Unbelievable!)
 
Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only
Splenda and sugar.  And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour !?!
 
TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things
on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.  Not finding the bar
code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
 
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
 
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.   (But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
 
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.   (Keep shuddering!!)
 
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  'Do you need some help?' I asked.
 
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into
my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
 
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It's a long walk....'      (PLEASE just lie down before you hurt yourself!!)
 
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
 
'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her.
 
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded
to make five blank copies.    (Brunette, by the way!!)
 
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room,
the kid had eaten ants.
 
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave
him some ant killer......'
 
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'
 
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!  And you CAN’T fix stupid.
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.
Don't laugh....  it is all true...
 
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
― Shel Silverstein
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Offline tefer2

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2015, 09:17:11 pm »
 :laugh: :laugh:

Offline Retroguy

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2015, 09:29:42 pm »
You want to have a good time, carry around a few $2 bills and see what happens.
I always stand behind my work...
It makes me harder to find.

Offline Slowmodem

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2015, 10:06:59 pm »
ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA?   Maybe not!

Don't laugh....  it is all true...

I'm laughing so hard my wife is thinking I'm crazy!   :D :laugh:

Those made me think of these (although these are not true):





Greg Whitehead
Ten Mile, TN
Beekeeping at 26.4 kbs

Offline vossejongk

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2015, 10:48:23 pm »
You should watch the movie "idiocracy" lol

Offline LazyBkpr

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2015, 10:58:09 pm »
LOL
   I guess my best one, was looking at spray paint cans in an auto parts store..   the employee comes over and asks if he can help me.. 
   "No, I am just lookin g at some paint for an engine."
   "Well, you cant use THAT paint, you have to have High heat paint or an engine."
   "Son, have you ever looked at your temperature gauge?"
   "I... only have an idiot light?"
   "Never mind........."
Drinking RUM before noon makes you a PIRATE not an alcoholic!

Offline Ray

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2015, 06:21:13 pm »
I'm NOT blonde but here's a confession.
Back in my teenage years. I ran out of the house, jumped in the car, turned the key and nothing. I opened the hood and check the battery connections. Clean and tight. Jogged over to my Dad's old Pick up, started it up and drove over to my car to jump it. Hooked up the jumper cables, hit the switch, still nothing. Double checked the jumper connections, pulled out the headlight switch, had bright lights still wouldn't roll the motor over. Called my Dad and explained my problem.
He said: " Is the Car in Park?"............... I'm sure you can figure the rest of the story. :-[

Offline G3farms

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2015, 06:53:15 pm »
Don't feel bad Ray, I did the same thing. Drove to Daytona for vacation, pulled up in the parking lot at the motel and went in, the next day we were going out to eat and nothing. Accused the kids of leaving a light on.  Luckily we had gone with my wife's sister and husband so they took us and the "dead" battery to wallyworld, after being accused of stealing the battery from the back of the store (I even had the receipt) and a good cuss fight, we left with a new battery. Back to the motel, install the new battery and still nothing.......hhhmmm....scratching my head I put it in park and she fired right up. Could not believe the car had not rolled onto the beach. I really felt stupid that night.
Bees are bees and do as they please!

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Offline vossejongk

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2015, 08:39:17 am »
Heh this is good stuff lol. I'll share one of my bleep ups. I'm a truck driver for almost 6 years now, and 4 years ago I started for a new employer who's trailers had their own number each. So I was in my 3rd week when as I was told hooked up trailer 6996 and got on the road. Now mind our trailers are pre loaded and the cargo secured at night by the warehouse crew, and the door is sealed so that the receiver has to check and validate that it hadn't been opened during the trip. This means better security for high value cargo but also that we as drivers can't look inside to for example check if the warehouse crew did a proper job securing everything and that we have the right cargo loaded. Anyway I'm on my way and on day 3 I'm getting a call from dispatch. "What trailer number are you hauling?" 6996 as you told me. "Funny as that one is standing right in front of me on the trailer yard" I froze at first, then told the guy to hold on a sec and I pulled over to check myself.  Trailer #6998. Oops.. The number 8 sticker was slightly damaged probably by a branch scraping the side of the trailer, making it look very much like a 6, and in the dark I didn't check properly. So I drove the wrong trailer for almost 2000 km. There were a few people NOT happy with me that day :(
« Last Edit: April 22, 2015, 08:42:01 am by vossejongk »
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Offline G3farms

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2015, 07:50:39 pm »
HAHA that sounds like a friend of mine that was doing drop and hooks, pulled an empty trailer across a couple of states before dispatch caught up to him. He had to take the bus back home, it was the end of the line for his trucking career at that outfit.
Bees are bees and do as they please!

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Offline Curtchann

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2015, 12:14:08 pm »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Offline CpnObvious

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #11 on: April 23, 2015, 12:42:53 pm »
ONE
Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
Chicken McNuggets.
 
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
 
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
 
'You don't?' I replied.
 
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
 
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
 
'That's right.'
 
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.  (Unbelievable!)
 

I've been saying this for years... Having a family od 6, if the kids were good while we were out we would sometimes swing by McD and grab apple pies (2 for $1)...  I learned quickly that a half-dozen couldn't be ordered... Only 6.

Yean... $15/hour???? Worth it! BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Offline Ray

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #12 on: April 23, 2015, 02:56:36 pm »
Metric system!
Archaic measures   :o
peck - bushel - dozen - gross - rod - chain - inch - foot - yard - ounce - pound - ton - pint - quart - gallon

Offline Perry

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2015, 03:26:16 pm »
There's some good stuff on this thread. :D
I think I've probably screwed up a time or two, just can't remember any recent ones (besides the thumb). ;D
"It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor."      
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Offline LogicalBee

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #14 on: April 26, 2015, 04:14:27 am »
Sure sorry about that thumb Perry  :sad:

The most recent one (that I can remember ;D) was using the self checkout machine at Home Depot and trying to push my dollar bills IN the slot which normally spits OUT the change.  All the more embarrassing as the cashier was really cute and could barely contain her laughter.  I learned an important lesson about those self checkout machines that day; ALWAYS stick your money into whatever slot lights up.

Offline Ray

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Re: ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA? Maybe not!
« Reply #15 on: April 26, 2015, 07:05:34 am »
I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong  ;D