Author Topic: 3 holy men and a bear  (Read 1526 times)

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Offline iddee

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3 holy men and a bear
« on: September 04, 2015, 06:36:37 am »

Subject: 3 holy men and a bear

A Roman Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.

'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. "How did it go?" they asked.

The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
― Shel Silverstein

Offline Perry

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Re: 3 holy men and a bear
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2015, 06:42:16 am »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     Funny stuff.
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Offline efmesch

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Re: 3 holy men and a bear
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2015, 10:47:56 am »
 :o  I guess he got what he deserved. 

He should have waited till the 8th day after they first met.   :laugh:  :D  ;D

Offline neillsayers

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Re: 3 holy men and a bear
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2015, 02:49:32 pm »
 :laugh:that's is some seriously funny stuff!
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Offline Dunkel

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Re: 3 holy men and a bear
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2015, 09:00:20 pm »
 :o :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Offline Zweefer

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Re: 3 holy men and a bear
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2015, 11:07:57 pm »
My mother in law loved this one!
Keeping of bees is like the direction of sunbeams.
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Offline Les

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Re: 3 holy men and a bear
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2015, 11:12:08 am »
 :laugh: :laugh: Good one!